Home
by thexendxgame
Summary: “Please ask me to stay” she thought. “I’m afraid to be alone.”


**Author: thexendxgame**

**Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with their feelings for each other.**

**Author's Note: Can be read as a companion piece to Warmth****, but can also be read alone. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Scully, Mulder, or any of the other X-Files characters mentioned in the story below. I only own the situations in which I put them. Thank you. **

_****_

"_**What are you doing Scully?"**_

_**She turned to face her partner and smiled sheepishly. "I was just getting some laundry together." **_

_**Mulder chuckled. "You really don't have to do my laundry." **_

_**She shook her head. "Mulder, you have been more than generous to me by letting me stay here so long." She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "The least I can do is help clean up some before I leave." She offered him another smiled before returning to her laundry gathering. **_

"_**Leave?" **_

"_**Well, yeah, Mulder. You didn't expect me to stay here forever!" **_

_**Mulder tilted his head at her, his thought process on overload. **_

_**He hadn't really thought about her leaving. He wasn't sure how he felt about it.**_

_**Scully had been living there with him for going on close to three months. She had initially only planned on a few weeks. Tops. But she'd decided she wasn't ready to go home- not ready to face those demons. **_

_**Mulder watched her as she went about tidying their little home. **_

_**He'd gotten so used to having her there. He liked coming home to her at the end of the day. **_

_**He was going to miss her. **_

_**Sure, he would see her at work every day. They would still go off gallivanting across the country together. But, it wouldn't be the same. **_

_**He was still standing there, staring at her blankly when she turned back towards him. **_

"_**You feel okay Mulder?" She stepped up to him. "Mulder?" She put her hand to his cheek, startling him from his trance. "You feeling okay?"**_

"_**Yeah." He smiled. "I just hadn't thought about you leaving is all. I've kind of gotten used to having you around." **_

"_**And I've gotten kind of used to being around." She let her hand fall from his cheek. "But it's time for me to go home." **_

_**Mulder nodded. **_

_**He wanted to say something. He wanted to ask- no- tell her to stay with him. **_

_**He opened his mouth to speak.**_

"_**What's for dinner?" He scowled. **_

_**Definitely NOT what he'd wanted to say. **_

_**Scully arched her eyebrows at him. **_

"_**There's some left over pizza in the fridge." **_

"_**You already eat?" He stepped into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and was now studying its contents. **_

"_**Yeah." **_

_**Scully sighed.**_

_**She couldn't help but feel disappointed. She'd hoped Mulder would have at least tried to protest to her leaving. **_

_**But he hadn't said anything. **_

_**Mulder's small, cluttered apartment had become home. She felt safe there. **_

_**He stepped out of the kitchen. He'd loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt. A stray mushroom hung onto his lip as he stuffed pizza into his mouth. **_

_**Scully laughed. "Slob." She muttered. **_

"_**What was that agent Scully?" He called after her. **_

_**She turned and offered a crooked smile. "I'm going to get a shower and head to bed." **_

_**He waggled his eyebrows. **_

_**She shook her head disapprovingly.**_

"_**You're such a child." **_

"_**You know you think I'm cute."**_

_**Scully rolled her eyes and went into the bedroom to get some pajamas. **_

_**After watching her walk away, Mulder went into the living room and plopped himself down on his old leather sofa. **_

_**Scully was leaving. **_

_**Maybe she hadn't been as happy being there as he had been having her there. Maybe his stuff was too old, his place too small, maybe he snored too loud. **_

_**He bit his lower lip. **_

_**Maybe it was none of those things, maybe it was all of them. The fact of the matter was, though, that she had stayed. **_

_**Maybe is he could offer her nothing else, if he could not offer her love, he could at least offer her the feeling of safety. **_

_**But it looked like she didn't need that feeling anymore. **_

_**Scully was leaving. **_

_**XxX**_

_**When Scully came back out of the bedroom, she found Mulder snoozing on the couch. His hand still held the television remote and his head rested on the back of the cushions. **_

_**She couldn't help but smile. **_

_**Scully had always thought her partner to be such and insomniac. Sleeping was something one rarely caught Fox Mulder doing unless he'd been knocked out or heavily sedated. But it seemed to her that every moment Mulder wasn't spending with her he spent napping. **_

_**The man slept all the time!**_

_**She approached his quietly and gently pulled the remote away from him. She flipped off the television. **_

"_**I was watching that." He muttered; eyes still closed. **_

"_**Come on Mulder." She ignored him. "Time for bed. We both have to get up early." **_

_**She grabbed Mulder's hand and pulled him up off the couch. **_

_**Mulder followed his partner into the bedroom and settled into the bed next to her. **_

_**Mulder had moved from his place on the sofa and into his bed a weeks after Scully had moved in. Her nightmares had been horrible. Terrible moans and screams would wake him every night. **_

_**He'd told himself that would give her time, that he would only go to her when she asked for him. He didn't want to smother her. He didn't want to make her feel weak. He knew how proud she was. **_

_**But he hadn't been able to stand it any longer. **_

_**He'd gone to her. He'd climbed in beside her and gently saved her from her dream. Her trashing had ceased and her crying had stopped. Her ragged breathing slowed to a relaxed pace. **_

_**Satisfied that she was sleeping soundly, he'd moved to leave. A slight tug on his hand stopped him. **_

"_**Don't go." Her voice had been barely audible. **_

_**And so he stayed. **_

_**And Mulder had shared his bed with his lovely partner every night from then on, keeping the monsters at bay. **_

_**Now he was laying beside her, listening to her breathe, dreading that in the near future… he'd be alone again. **_

_**XxX**_

_**Scully awoke to the smell of brewing coffee and the sound of the running shower in the adjoining bathroom. **_

_**She stretched and rolled onto her side, letting her gaze focus on the light streaming out from under the bathroom door. Her mind generated thoughts about the man on the other side and a smile formed on her lips. **_

_**He'd played the part of friend, confidante, and protector. Oh how she loved him. And he loved her in return. They had confessed as much one night on the sofa a few months before. But Scully wondered if he'd really understood what she'd been telling him. **_

_**She was in**_** love with him. **

**And now she was leaving. **

**Nothing in her wanted to leave. She wanted more than anything to keep coming him to him, keep waking up beside him, to keep being with him. **

**But she didn't want to be too pushy and didn't want to invade his space more than she already had. **

**And he hadn't asked her to stay. **

**So she would go. Everything would go back to how it had been. **

**Mulder stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. **

"**I didn't mean to wake you." He said apologetically. **

"**You didn't. I was awake anyway." She moaned as she made herself sit up in the bed. "I really don't feel like getting up this morning." **

**Mulder smiled at her and headed over the closet to pick out a suit for the day. **

**He stared at the blues, blacks, and greys absently. All his mind could wrap around was the woman sitting on the bed behind him.**

**He wasn't really going to let her leave, was he? **

**But she hadn't voice the desire to stay. **

**And it's not lot like she was **_**leaving **_**leaving or anything, she was just moving back into her own place. **

**He sighed and shook his head. **

"**My favorite's the charcoal grey one." She said. **

"**Huh?" He peeked over his shoulder. **

"**It looked like you were having some trouble deciding." She smiled. "The charcoal grey one is my favorite." **

"**Oh." He reached in for it. "Thanks." **

**Scully watched him pull the suit out of the closet and head back towards the bathroom.**

"_**Please ask me to stay"**_** she thought. **_**"I'm afraid to be alone."**_

**XxX**

"**So, um, I thought Saturday would be a good day to get my stuff out of your apartment. Is that good? I mean, you didn't have any plans or anything did you?" **

**He looked over the top of the file he'd been reading and shook his head. "Nope, no plans."**

"**Good." She waited for a moment, giving him ample opportunity to interject into her plan making. He didn't. "I'm looking forward to being back in my own place." **

**He chewed the inside of his lower lip a minute. Here was his chance. His opportunity to beg her to stay. **

"**Me too." He frowned at himself. **

"**Really?" **

**How disappointing. She knew, just knew that he'd ask her to stay with him. **

"**Well yeah Scully." He returned his attention to file he held in his hands. "This is a big step for you. A step back towards independence." **

**Scully nodded in agreement before looking away. "Exactly."**

**XxX**

**The day passed horribly slow. **

**Neither of them had much to say. **

**Neither of them really knew what to say.**

**The ride home was equally quiet. Mulder only saying something when asking Scully where she wanted to stop for dinner. **

**They agreed on the Chinese place they passed on the way home. **

**She rolled her eyes, amused slightly that the only words he'd spoken rather than muttered at her were in regards to food. **

**She was also slightly irritated that he hadn't even asked her what she'd wanted. He'd just gotten out and left her alone in the running car. **

**About 15 minutes later, he slid back into the car and handed her the bag of food. **

**He glanced over at his partner. "Mixed veggies, chicken- all white meat- steamed rice; not fried." He grinned. "Ah yes," He waved his finger at her. "And a spring roll." **

**Scully bit her lip and smiled almost bashfully. He hadn't asked her because he'd known exactly what she'd wanted. **

"**I know you better than you think Dana Scully." **

**She smirked. "I guess you do Fox Mulder." **

**XxX**

**Scully sat on the sofa, her legs drawn up underneath her. She was munching on the last few bites of her spring roll, laughing at her partner who had just spilled sweet and sour sauce down the front of his shirt. **

**Mulder loved it when she laughed. **

**He looked over at her and soaked in the sight of her. **

**She caught him staring at her and he watched as she instinctively used her hand to cover the scar on her cheek. **

**Evidence of yet another time he'd almost lost her. **

**His eyes softened and a smile tugged at his mouth. **

"**You're so beautiful when you laugh." **

**She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked away. "Thank you." She muttered. **

**An awkward silence passed between them. **

"**I'm- uh- going to turn in." She stood up and quickly made her way towards the bedroom. Stopping suddenly, she turned. "Are you coming?" **

**She felt afraid. Afraid he wasn't going to be there tonight. A shiver went down her spine. **

"**I'm going to clean up in here." He nodded. "I'll be in later." **

**She shook her head and turned away, disappearing into the dark bedroom. **

**She fell onto the bed and pulled the blankets around her. **

**It was moments like that that made her wonder if maybe he had meant it when he'd said he'd loved her. **

**She knew that Mulder cared for her and would do anything for her. **

**But maybe; just maybe, possibly, he could be **_**in **_**love with her too. **

**Mulder let his head fall back against the sofa and his eyes squeezed shut.**

**His mind was racing, trying to figure out just what in the hell he was doing! **

**His heart was beating so hard he could barely hear himself think.**

**He'd always loved Scully.**

**Until now, he'd been able to chock it up to friendship or partnership. Trust. **

**But now- he just wanted her. **

**He just wanted to hold her. Kiss her. Love her. Wake up with her every morning for the rest of his life. Go to sleep with her every night. **

**How could he tell her all of this though? **

**How could he risk ruining what he **_**did**_** have with her? **

**Mulder opened his eyes and sat up, a heavy sigh escaping his throat. **

**He wouldn't risk losing her.**

**XxX**

"_**Please don't do this-" "Please!" "No!" **_

**She reached for him. **

"**Mulder." Opening her eyes, she rolled towards him. "Mulder, wake up." **

**His eyes opened slowly. "Scully." He choked. **

**She grabbed his hand that was clutching the sheets between them. **

"**I'm here Mulder." She smiled softly as she stroked his hand with her thumb. **

**His vice grip on the bedding loosened. His eyes closed and he released a hard, loud breath from behind his pursed lips. **

**His fingers tightened around her outstretched hand. **

"**Sleep Mulder." **

**Scully watched as her partner's features started to relax and his jagged breathing steadied into even breaths of rest. **

**With her free hand, she brushed a piece of hair from his forehead. **

**She wondered what he'd dreamt of tonight. He'd cried out so desperately. "Please." **

**She knew that the thoughts of his sister still plagued him to this day. **

**She knew that over his years on the X-Files, even before she had come along, he had experienced horrors and seen things that no man should. **

**What Scully didn't know about her partner was; although he was a haunted man, his worst dreams- his most horrible nightmares were of her. **

**Images of her bruised and broken body, of her bleeding in his arms, of cuts, of her in pain. **

**Memories of losing her…**

… **And of being too late to save her…**

**Scully didn't know that the only thing that really scared Mulder anymore was the thought that he may one day wake up to a world that didn't have her in it. **

**And that for Mulder, that wouldn't be a world worth living in.**

**Scully didn't know any of it.**

**How could she know?**

**XxX**

**He didn't want to get out of bed. **

**It was Saturday. **

**He knew that getting out of bed would mean having to help her get her stuff together and out to the car. **

**He bit his lip. **

**He knew he'd feel worse about it if he **_**didn't**_** help her. **

**Reluctantly, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up. **

**He pulled on a pair of blue jeans that had been on the floor and a t-shirt from the dresser and headed out into the living room. **

**There, he found Scully already busying herself with gathering and tidying. **

"**Have you made any coffee yet?" He stretched his arms over his head. **

"**No, I didn't think about it. Sorry."**

"**Will you drink some if I make some?" **

**She nodded. "Yeah. Some coffee sounds good right about now." **

**He retreated into the kitchen and groggily set to preparing some coffee. **

**He couldn't seem to shake the sleepiness and couldn't help but think that a coffee IV sounded really good right about now. **

**He rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. **

"**Cream?" He called. **

**She smiled. "Please." **

**He came into the living room bearing two mugs. He sat down on the couch and propped his feet up. **

**She sat down next to him. "Thank you." **

**She took a sip and closed her eyes. The warm liquid felt so good as it made its way down her throat. **

"**No problem." Mulder offered a smiled from over the side of his mug. **

**A heavy silence settled over them. **

**Scully found herself becoming uncomfortable. **

**She looked down into her mug and watched the cream swirl designs in her coffee. **

"**I guess I'll have to get used to making my own coffee again." **

**It came out more hushed that she had intended. She wasn't sure if Mulder had even heard her say anything. **

**After a moment though, Mulder moved his hand to rest on her knee and stroked it gently with his thumb.**

"**I'm going to miss you." He said quietly. **

**It took her a moment to find her voice.**

**She could feel the flush on her cheeks and a tightness in her throat. **

**He was going to ask her. He was going to ask her to stay. **

**She stared at him. **

**She waited. **

**The heavy silence returned to them.**

**XxX**

**He pushed the door open with his foot, his arms full of the last load of stuff from the car. **

"**You can just set that over there, on the sofa." Scully pointed into the living room. She chuckled. "I didn't realize how much I'd brought into your apartment!" **

**Mulder shot her a sideways smile. "Yeah, my place is going to feel empty." **

"_**In more ways that one." He thought. **_

_**Scully nodded a little before heading back into her bedroom. **_

_**Mulder found himself starting to feel awkward. **_

_**It felt so strange to stand in her apartment again. **_

_**All the times he'd stood in her living room, dreading going home; and now all he wanted to do was skulk to his car and go home. **_

_**He wanted Scully to go with him. **_

"_**Do you want something to eat?"**_

_**She sat down on the bed. **_

_**He peeked inside the room. **_

"_**That is a silly question, Scully." **_

_**He stared at her for a moment. **_

_**The last time he'd stared into her room, he was wondering if he'd ever see her again. **_

_**The fact that was once again there, in a place that had betrayed her safety, left Mulder unnerved. **_

_**If he didn't leave now, he was worried he wouldn't be to able to leave at all. **_

"_**But, I think I need to get home." **_

_**She looked up at him and frowned. **_

"_**Oh, okay." **_

"_**Yeah," He nervously toyed with zipper on his jacket. "Need me to do anything else?" **_

"_**No, no." She stood. "Thank you for everything Mulder." **_

"_**Just call me if you need anything." **_

_**She followed him to door and watched him leave. **_

_**Scully waited until his footsteps faded before she closed and locked the door. **_

_**Turning slowly, she examined the contents of her apartment. **_

_**She bit her bottom lip, trying to keep it from quivering and a tear quickly slipped down her cheek. **_

_**She was alone.**_

_**XxX**_

"_**Hey Scully." Mulder spun around in his chair. "You're running late." **_

"_**I overslept." **_

_**She was lying. **_

_**Mulder squinted at her. **_

_**She looked exhausted. If she'd slept anything like he had the night before, she probably was. **_

_**He decided not to pursue it. **_

_**She'd talk to him if she wanted to. She always did. **_

_**She didn't say anything though; just kept nodding off. **_

_**He couldn't help laughing when he looked up to find her dozing with her face in a file. **_

_**Her eyes fluttered open. "I wasn't asleep." She cleared her throat. **_

"_**Um, yes you were." **_

"_**No I wasn't" She scowled. "I was just resting my eyes." **_

"_**Uh huh." Mulder grinned at her. "Maybe you should go home Scully." **_

"_**No!" She was suddenly very awake. "No. I'm okay." She sighed. "Like I said, I was just resting my eyes." **_

_**He just nodded… deciding again to not pursue it. **_

_**XxX**_

_**As much as she wanted to deny it, she was afraid. **_

_**Every time Scully closed her eyes- the monsters were waiting for her. **_

_**She would reach, cry out for him for him to save her, but he wasn't there.**_

_**She'd stare at the phone, fighting the urge to call him. **_

_**She couldn't though. **_

_**She couldn't look weak. **_

_**He'd said this was a "step towards independence." **_

_**He'd been happy for her. Proud of her. **_

_**She couldn't disappoint him.**_

_**So she stayed awake, staring blindly at the ceiling. Her heart thumped deafeningly I her ears. Her nerves jumped at every outside sound or shadow. **_

_**Scully cried. **_

_**In all her life, she'd never needed anyone for comfort. **_

_**She'd always been strong.**_

_**The daughter of a Naval soldier. **_

_**Strong. Proud. **_

_**But now, with tears running down her cheeks, all she wanted was Mulder to take her hand and tell her everything was going to be okay. **_

_**She wanted to feel the weight of him beside her on the mattress. **_

_**She wanted to drift to sleep listening to the sounds of his breathing. **_

_**She missed him. **_

_**XxX**_

_**Another day of seeing Scully fighting to keep her eyes open was starting to wear thin on Mulder. **_

_**His put together partner was slowly starting to fall apart. **_

_**She was unfocused, scatterbrained. **_

_**Exhausted. **_

_**He wanted to take her him, put her to bed, and watch her sleep until she couldn't sleep anymore. **_

_**But he didn't dare say anything to her. **_

_**He knew how she was, how she would react; and he wasn't sure he could deal with her automated "I'm fine" answer. **_

_**He just have to wait on her.**_

_**XxX**_

_**He frowned and chewed at his lower lip as he stared at the telephone. **_

_**He shouldn't call.**_

_**He had to check on her though. He had to know she was okay. **_

_**He picked up the phone and dialed her number. **_

_**She didn't answer. **_

_**Mulder wasn't sure that he wasn't going to vomit. **_

"_**Just answer the damn phone Scully!" He shouted into the receiver. **_

_**He continued to mutter until the machine picked up. **_

_**He re-dialed before trying her cell. **_

_**Still no answer. **_

_**Mulder swore again as the automated voice prompted him to leave a message on her cell. **_

_**He scrambled for his tennis shoes, tripping the process. **_

_**That all too familiar sick feeling was gnawing at his gut. **_

_**He stumbled out the door as he again tried and retried to reach her on the phone. **_

_**Nothing. **_

_**The drive over was a blur and the faint hope that he hadn't caused any accidents pricked the back of his mind.**_

_**Only momentarily though. **_

_**Truth was: he didn't really care. **_

_**He took a deep breath before trying to door knob. He jiggled it violently. It was locked. **_

_**Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved the key to her front door. **_

_**He turned the key and pushed his way though the door quickly. **_

_**Peering into the dark apartment, he searched for anything that might tell him where she was. **_

_**He dropped hard to his knees and something crashed over his head. **_

_**XxX**_

"_**Oh my God! Mulder!" **_

_**Scully fell to her knees. **_

"_**Mulder, are you okay?" **_

_**He was now laying flat on his back, having blacked out for a moment. **_

_**He stared up at her. "Scully?"**_

"_**Yes, Mulder, what are you doing here?" **_

"_**You hit me!" He reached around and felt the knot that was already forming on the back of his head. **_

_**She helped him sit up. "I thought someone was trying to break in. You scared the hell out of me!" **_

"_**I kept calling you." He pulled himself up off the floor. "You didn't answer."**_

_**She stared up at him, her hands situated on her hips. "I was in the shower." **_

_**He breathed in deeply. "Scully," He grabbed hold of her hands. "I couldn't reach you." He was shaking. "I, um," He stopped. "I was scared." **_

_**Scully continued to stare, not sure if she believed what she was hearing. **_

_**She couldn't speak. **_

"_**Scully," He began again. "I need to know you're okay. I need to be able to hear you and see you." He took a deep breath. "Scully, I love you and I need to know you're safe. I need to keep you safe." **_

_**She could feel her chest tighten and tears well up in her eyes. She nodded. "I love you too Mulder." **_

_**Mulder smiled. He gently kissed her cheek. "Come home Scully." **_

_**XxX**_


End file.
